He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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