You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
