I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
