How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Randomize
