Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
My vagina is officially offended.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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