shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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