its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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