do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize