he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
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