Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
