That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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