Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
