In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
the night ended with taco bell and tears
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
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