Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
