Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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