I puked a lego.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
