So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
