From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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