I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
