i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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