Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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