I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
