he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Randomize
