my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I need to calm my uterus...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
