I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
