I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
