We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
