It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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