The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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