Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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