she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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