I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
