She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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