its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize