so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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