dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize