i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
