I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Randomize