He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
