it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
