he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
