Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Is it because I queefed?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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