I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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