Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize