So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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