Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
