I wish I could punch you in the face.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
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