i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
