I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
