I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
