farters have to be the big spoon...
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
