I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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