I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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