ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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