Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
