By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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