we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
