I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
