i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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