I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
