Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
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