i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Did we literally take a cab across the street
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
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