i wish there were pregnant emoticons
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
