i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
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