need another drink. this is the easiest way
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
