i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
