This is not my ceiling
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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