I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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