Fuck appropriateness.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
