so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
