forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Randomize
