It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
nutella sex= disaster
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Randomize
