a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
